I confess I read Dear Abby everyday, but it is not so I can learn which hand it is proper to shake with in Malaysia. I read the column, because its interesting reading about how stupid people are. Most of the printed letters are from either stupid people or really creative writers and my vote falls on the former.
Next time you read the column just look at some of the stuff people ask. There is inevitably a question like this.
My boyfriend and I have been living together since my freshman year in college and I am now 45 years old. Abby, I just can’t understand why Bubba won’t marry me. All he cares about is Monster Truck rallies and beer and it makes me feel so alone. What can I do? I feel helpless.
Alone in Arkansas
Abby usually gives some fru fru answer about self esteem and respect blah blah blah.
If I answered the questions the column would be a lot more fun
Dear Alone in Arkansas,
When people get milk for free they don’t buy a cow. Hope this helps.
Here’s is an actual example from today’s column
DEAR ABBY: Thongs up, girl! I switched to thongs when I turned 14 and have never looked back. A man can’t wear tight white jeans with anything else. Love … DINO IN SAN FRANCISCO
Dear Dino in San Francisco,
You are gay! Thanks for your vote.
The reason I keep on reading despite the frustration is articles like this one from a business owner that was printed on January 13th.
The best part is rule #3
3. MAKE IT FIT. Anything that hugs the body too tightly is not right for the office. We have a woman working here who looks like a sausage stuffed in a floral polyester casing. It’s hard to take her seriously. The same goes for a man whose pants are so tight that you can tell his religion. Ditto for pants that are so loose and low-slung you can see his underwear or her thong.
Do an experiment. Read Dear Abby for a week and see if I am lying and if you regularly write to Dear Abby don’t tell me or I will make fun of you on the world wide web.